Behavioural nudges to improve family stability/relationships
Parental separation or divorce is a significant risk factor in increasing Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) for their children. ACEs increase not just by one but at least 2 or 3. This is because family instability increases the likelihood of domestic violence, depression, substance abuse and poor care.
Behavioural science nudges could be used to improve family stability/relationships. There are various preventative aspects to consider here e.g. entering into safe and loving relationships, improving relationships between partners, splitting well. Improving such aspects is a complex and multifaceted process.
Thinking about behavioural nudges that could be tried, there are some initiatives which can give us clues:
Can we scale up Relationship Education services to saturate a community? Could Relationship Education make a larger impact than for just a few couples? And, importantly, could it have a measurable impact on community divorce rates? That’s what a study set out to test.
The study tried to evaluate the impact of a Culture of Freedom Initiative (COFI) programme in the Jacksonville, Florida, area, which aimed to saturate the area with Relationship Education services. COFI worked through 93 churches and had a strong coordinating organisation leading the initiative (Live the Life). The organisation helped churches build up and publicise their Relationship Education services, including premarital education, marriage enrichment programs, and an intensive programme for couples thinking seriously about divorce called “Hope Weekend.” It’s important to note that COFI had substantial financial support from a philanthropic organization.
Over two years, COFI efforts helped to put 35,000 people through Relationship Education services in the Jacksonville area and publicity tried to target those at most risk for divorce. The divorce rate in the Jacksonville area fell by almost 30% in the first two years of the COFI project (2015-2017) to a record low. The divorce rate in the rest of Florida fell by just 8% in that same time-period.
The distinctive contribution of COFI in Jacksonville seems to have been a combination of actions. Firstly, large-scale, microtargeted digital marketing, based on research, tailored for three different groups;
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Romantics, who tend to have unrealistic expectations about marriage,
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Pessimists, who want lifelong marriage but tend to question its likelihood.
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Independents, who tend to invest less in marriage and family because they regard other life pursuits as more important.
Secondly, involving a broad network of religious congregations committed to strengthening marriage. The digital messaging conveyed the following messages;
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“Marriage Matters” – the central tagline repeated across digital ads, billboards, and radio spots.
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“It’s never too early and never too late to invest in your marriage” – used to encourage couples at all stages of life to attend enrichment programs.
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"Strengthen your marriage, strengthen your family” – framing marriage as a stabilizing force for children and communities.
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“Hope for your relationship” – tied to promotion of Hope Weekend, an intensive retreat for struggling couples.
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“Adventures in Marriage” – branding for one of the flagship workshops.
There is a relationships course called 'Within Our Reach' (and a course for singles called 'Within My Reach') birthed out of over 40 years of research in the field of relationship health led by the University of Denver which has been given in workshops to hundreds of thousands of individuals in USA, Europe and Australia. There have been many evaluations, including randomized controlled trials (RCTs), and results of some are as follows:
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Participation in the Within My Reach program is associated with a significant decrease in physical and emotional abuse.
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At a 5-year follow-up, couples had higher levels of positive and lower levels of negative communication skills and lower levels of marital violence compared to a control group.
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One year after the course, couples had one-third the rate of divorce of a control group.
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Participants of one evaluation were from diverse backgrounds and exhibited many of the risk factors for poor relationship outcomes including unemployment, low income, and childhood experience of abuse or neglect. Evaluation indicated that the program was beneficial for both singles and partnered individuals. Singles reported increased belief in ability to obtain healthy relationships. Partnered individuals reported increased relationship quality, relationship confidence, and reduced conflict. Regardless of relationship status, participants also reported improvement in general relationship and communication skill.
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Another evaluation with low-income, at-risk individuals involved with various social service agencies showed that participants experienced high levels of training satisfaction; significant increases in knowledge, communication ⁄ conflict resolution skills, and relationship quality; as well as a trend in the reduction of relationship violence.
As part of their decades long research into relationships, The Gottman Institute conducted a study with newlyweds and then followed up with them six years later. Many of the couples had remained together. Many had divorced. The couples that stayed married were much better at one thing – turning toward their partner rather than turning away. At the six-year follow up, couples that had stayed married turned towards one another 86% of the time. Couples that had divorced averaged only 33% of the time. It suggests that there is something anyone can do today that will dramatically change the course of their relationship.
A bid is any attempt from one partner to another for attention, affirmation, affection, or any other positive connection. Bids show up in simple ways, a smile or wink, and more complex ways, like a request for advice or help. In general, women make more bids than men, but in the healthiest relationships, both partners are comfortable making all kinds of bids.
Bids can get tricky, however. Many men struggle to recognise them, so it’s important to pay attention. Bids usually have a secondary layer – the true meaning behind the words. Examples are; How do I look (Subtext - Can I have your attention?), Let’s put the kids to bed. (Subtext - Can I have your help?), I talked to my sister today. (Subtext - Will you chat with me?), I had a terrible lunch meeting today. (Subtext - Will you help me destress?
To “miss” a bid is to “turn away.” Turning away can be devastating. It’s even more devastating than “turning against” or rejecting the bid. Rejecting a bid at least provides the opportunity for continued engagement and repair. Missing the bid results in diminished bids, or worse, making bids for attention, enjoyment, and affection somewhere else.
Turning towards starts with paying attention. Simply recognising that a bid has been made opens the door to response. If they’ve really been paying attention, they’ll respond to both the text and the subtext. Such kindness makes each partner feel cared for, understood, and validated—feel loved.
By observing these and related types of interactions, the Gottmans can predict with up to 94% certainty whether couples will be broken up, together and unhappy, or together and happy several years later. Much of it comes down to the spirit couples bring to the relationship. Do they bring kindness and generosity; or contempt, criticism, and hostility?
From the above, what are possible nudges? Here are a few suggestions:
Firstly, messaging that marriage and couple relationships matter:
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“Strong relationships strengthen families — and families strengthen communities.” Framing relationships as a stabilizing force for children and communities.
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“A good relationship grows from patience, not perfection.” For Romantics (unrealistic expectations).
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“Most strong couples started out unsure — they just kept showing up.” For Pessimists (fearful of commitment).
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“Investing in someone you love enriches every part of life.” For Independents (low investment in relationships).
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“Healthy relationships create safer, steadier homes for children.” Framing relationships as a stabilizing force for children and communities.
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“You deserve a relationship where you feel safe, respected, and heard.” Helping people recognise unhealthy patterns early.
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“Healthy relationships don’t avoid conflict — they handle it safely.” Normalises conflict but emphasises safety and skill.
Secondly encouraging small, everyday behaviours that build connection:
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“Listening fully to your partner is one of the kindest things you can offer.” Communication and connection.
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“Kindness is the glue of long‑term relationships.” Kindness and appreciation.
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“Speak to each other as if you want to stay together.” Managing conflict.
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“It’s never too early or too late to invest in your relationship.” When relationships feel hard.
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"Strong relationships aren’t built on grand gestures. They’re built on tiny moments of turning toward." Recognising bids.
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“Notice the small moments your partner wants your attention — they’re invitations to connect.” Recognising bids.
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“When your partner wants your attention, they may be really asking ‘Will you be here with me?’” Recognising bids.
If you are involved with parents or adult relationships, why not create some messaging where you meet with them?
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Geoff Knott, 03/06/2026